A Brutal Choice
Occasionally I will post articles that are not necessarily a guide to build your private practice, but instead are more a reflection on being a therapist. Why do I post them? Because I believe the experience of being a therapist in private practice, the struggles and the philosophical questions within that are incredibly important. Our job is a unique one. It’s important for us to support one another in those unique challenges.
As I write this post, our country is struggling to understand how to cope with the Corona Virus. It is just now hitting us, and this past week has been like watching ourselves in a slow-motion car crash. Spinning around and not knowing how we will land.
Many therapists are making the choice to go to video sessions rather than in office. I made the decision myself this past week, and it was a brutal one. I posted the following on a social media group for therapists in private practice, and many found it incredibly helpful. So, I share it here with you as well.
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I have struggled a lot this week with the right thing to do in regard to going to online sessions only. I have ultimately chosen to do that. I’d like to reflect on the emotional fallout of that, for me and my clients.
With my decision I find I am having a LOT of anxiety. I was having trouble understanding why exactly. Most of my clients are coming with me. Some are not, but I’ll still be busy.
Someone pointed out the loss and grieving involved with this right now. That was a light bulb for me on many levels.
What I am realizing is that, while this might be the right thing to do, clinically it isn’t. My teen clients in particular are struggling with this. It makes me realize how important the safe therapy space is to them. It really is sacred space for them where they can nest, be seen, and be safe.
I am deeply grieving the loss of being able to provide this for my clients. I feel, in part, like I am abandoning them. And in full disclosure and in the spirit of an authentic conversation about our decisions – we need to acknowledge we are, in fact, abandoning the safe space we have so carefully built for our clients. The in-person connection. How it is for both of us to be together in that space.
This is a huge sacrifice and I grieve it deeply. I have anxiety about not being able to be there in the same way therapeutically. I worry about abandoning them. So, this idea of “the right thing to do” feels very hard and very complex right now. This is a Sophie’s Choice. That’s the way I feel.
I want to make it clear. This post is not a review of online therapy. I have done it before and believe it to be effective and genuine. In some ways it offers things that in office sessions don’t. This is about the change in the space I have created and hold with my clients in my office. It feels REALLY BAD to let that go right now and I feel like I’m doing the wrong thing clinically. {{{sigh}}}.
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Before I leave today, I also want to offer another thought. I live in Michigan. Every winter the snow covers the ground. Every spring the snow melts. When it does, the grass is still green. It stays green under the snow. That never ceases to amaze me. We all need to breathe into that now. The green grass remains. When this snow thaws, green and gorgeous life will be waiting there for us.
xoxo
Jennifer
