I Broke My Boundaries Today
Shoot.
I broke my boundaries today. I saw a client on my day off. I want to be clear, I’ve been a therapist for almost 25 years. I’ve been in private practice since 2006. I KNOW BETTER.
But I did it.
So, my question for myself today becomes why did I do it? Why was I willing to break a boundary?
I can come up with some pretty solid justifications. Like:
- “This whole Covid quarantine has me off my game. Boundaries become slippery when working from home. I mean, true, but I’ve been doing this for a few months now, so honestly I have the hang of it by now.
- “The client needs it.” This is just lying to myself because there was no crisis.
Or how about:
- “I am going on vacation in July and want to do as many sessions as I can before I don’t have any income for two weeks.” Which is actually true.
The truth is, all three of those were at play. At the end of the day, it does not matter my reason, what matters is, I found a way to justify breaking the boundary. On a week when I am exhausted and need a break.
We can always find a way to justify breaking our boundaries. Often with solid reasons.
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What if you could do it without feeling stressed out and overwhelmed?
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It’s Not Hard to Slide
In those calm moments when we are defining our boundaries, it seems straightforward. “This is a GREAT boundary for me in my private practice. I shall never break it!”
I’m living proof, it’s not that hard to slide.
I’ve slid on other, more crucial boundaries in my time. Ones that could have had far more serious implications. Luckily, they did not, but they could have. It’s not hard to do it.
We need to KNOW that it’s not hard. We need to pay attention to those little red flags waving in the winds of our justifications. It helps to have a clear sense of your identity both as a therapist and for your private practice. I have an entire chapter devoted to establishing your identity in the Master Course as well as the entire Mini Course, Establishing Your Professional Identity.
What I Should Have Done
Here’s what I should have done. I should have run it by my husband first (he’s also a therapist). Any time we are tempted to break a boundary, simply saying it out loud to someone else significantly decreases the likelihood we’ll do it. 99.9% of the time they will quickly get us to see why what we are about to do is not a good idea.
We consult because we need to. No matter how long we’ve been in the game. Those we consult with can poke holes in our justifications and reground us.
It’s not that we can NEVER break our boundaries, but we need to be very thoughtful and purposeful if we do it and always consult to check ourselves. When we make the choice to break our boundary it needs to be clinically sound as well as ethically and legally sound. All of those need to exist for it to be justified.
As it was, today I made the decision then told my husband. You know how I presented it to him? Three minutes before the session I said, “I know I am being bad and having terrible boundaries here, but I am going to do a session.” He joined me in acknowledging why this was a bad idea. He didn’t scold me about it, just held me to account. As we should for each other. Then he gave me a hug. Because he knows that we never fully master the boundary game.
If you don’t take anything else away from this post take this. When you start talking yourself into why it’s OK to break your boundaries, stop, breathe, and consult.
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